Mama is being strange. My angel was in the dream-place last night, holding my hand. We were walking along a golden pathway that stretched out forever into the whiteness. All of a sudden I realized I did not know his name. I wanted to know what to call my Guardian angel. I woke up, my mind filled with his big, soft eyes. And then I knew his name. I had a heated bath today and found myself rubbing the warmth in my tummy. It seems to be growing. I got excited, because I thought that it was a sign of me becoming a woman, so I called Mama. She came in and just sort of looked at me for a bit with a blank look on her face.
Then she turned around and left without saying a word. I got a scared feeling.
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Papa said something in an angry voice. She came back, kneeling against the tub, her face worried. She asked me, had I been playing any new games with the boys in the village?
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They are all smelly, and all they do is play pretend fights. Mama just nodded, staring at belly again, which I was rubbing. Then she left. I am a bit worried something might be wrong with me. My belly is getting bigger all the time. Mama has stopped asking me about what I have been doing with boys, I could only tell her the same thing all the time.
I asked my best friend Sasha why she had stopped visiting. She said that her parents told her that I was a bad influence! I keep hoping for another visit from my Angel. Maybe he can tell me what I have done wrong so I can fix it and make everything go back to normal. Volodimer was there in the dream place last night. I ran to him and cried and cried and cried. He patted my head and cuddled me.
I know things are hard at the moment, but you must take heart. Be strong and you will survive. Your Mama and Papa do not understand what is happening to you and they may be harsh.
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They may say things that hurt you, but in time you will understand, and soon I will be with you. Papa has taken me out of school. He told me I was to stay at home and help with chores until next year. I screamed and cried at first, but now all my tears are gone. All I feel is this beautiful glow in my belly, which is spreading all through my body. I was doing the dishes when Mama came up to me. I can feel him when he touches me, and he makes me feel nice. She asked me to describe him, and I did. She got a terrible look on her face and ran off to the main room.
She left the door open and I heard her talking to Papa. After a few minutes I started to get scared. I could hear his voice getting louder and louder. Eventually Papa came storming up to me. I flinched, splashing water over the edge of the sink.maliquataxli.tk
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Do you understand? I was crying now, I was so confused. Papa went red in the face. I have never seen him so angry. Then Mama was screaming, and I could hear my little brothers and sisters crying upstairs. Look what you have done to us! I just stood there with my hands in the water crying, my face stinging and my heart hurting. This is all too much, I feel like I will break. I have not spoken to Mama or Papa at all since the big fight. They are keeping me locked up in my room, and I only see Mama when she brings in food for me.
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She will not talk to me; she only looks at my growing belly. She has disgust in her eyes. I do not know what is happening outside of this house, and my Guardian angel has not visited my dreams at all. I am so sad. I miss my friends, I miss my brothers and sisters, and I miss Mama and even Papa. I miss hugs and kisses. All I have is this warmth in my stomach that convinces me to hang in there.
I feel like something big will happen soon. Your trial is almost at an end. Everyone hates me! I have this fire in my belly that feels ready to explode, and I still do not understand anything! Why, Volodimer, please tell me why! That is all I can tell you. Soon I shall see you with new eyes, and you will forgive me. When I awoke my mother was standing above my bed. She was crying. When we finally broke off I looked over to see Papa standing at the door. He looked ten years older. He held out his hand and I rushed out of the bed, into his arms.
Yesterday I gave birth to my baby. My parents still do not believe me when I say I have never touched boys, nor do I understand how boys have anything to do with what has happened.
But none of that matters now. They are proud. Their grandson has a shock of silver hair, and beautiful big emerald green eyes. When the midwife asked me if I had a name in mind for my baby, I did not hesitate. I looked down at Svetlana, clutching her little brother, who in turn was gripping the sides of the ice sled with all his eight year old strength. I sank my weight into the snow and drew all my strength up from the ground, forcing power up through my legs and waist.
My torso snapped like a catapult, propelling the sled down the icy slope and easily passing the other sleds in a vapour trail of broken ice. Suddenly I was mobbed with the cries of all the little ones wanting me to propel them down the slope next.